Wednesday, July 17, 2013

The Latest 3am Epiphany

So this past Saturday night I had my first real "oh my god, I might be going into labor" scare. Technically it was Sunday morning, about 3 am. I was woken up by pretty strong menstrual-type cramps. I've had them before, but never that strong. That plus the fact that baby girl hadn't been quite as active the day before, I started wondering what was going on.

Since it was 3am, I of course went online to see what it all meant. I found some women who said it was just Braxton Hicks, some said it was nothing, some said it was the way labor started for them. My sister was one of the ones who told me that's how her labor started with her first daughter.

In the end it was nothing, the cramps went away, and I did a kick count and got 10 (smallish) kicks in 30 minutes, and talked to my OB who put my mind at ease. Baby girl must have just been having a quiet day, by that night she was back to her roly poly self.

But the whole situation made me a little uneasy, and maybe it's because of pregnancy brain but it finally came to me tonight why (three days later).

I am scared of going into labor alone.

I mean, I know that I won't be alone at the hospital, but there could be hours before I even have to go, and I know I won't feel comfortable having someone staying with me for a few hours doing nothing but waiting for my contractions to get closer together. And if it happens in the middle of the night and I'm just laying there, wondering what to do...

I'm not looking forward to that.

I haven't spent any time at all thinking about this until right now. The actual childbirth part, THAT I've thought (freaked out a little bit) about. But all that time alone before hand, that I hadn't really considered.

Up till this point I have spent a surprisingly small amount thinking about how its been going through this without a partner, but now I guess it gets really real that I'm doing this on my own. I have so much family support, but at the end of the day, it's just me. I'm ready for this, I don't think it's something I can't do. But still, it's not the way I planned to start my family. 

Not the first time I've had that thought, but it can still stop me in my tracks when it comes up again.

3 comments:

  1. I was a bit worried about that too...what if I called my mom to get me too early or too late? In the end, I was induced. When I arrived at the hospital and was hooked up to the machines, it turned out that I was already have contractions every 1-1.5 minutes and was totally oblivious to it, but still had a loooong time before he actually arrived! Go with your gut instinct, if you feel the need for someone to come over to support you, I'm sure friends/family will be very understanding. You will do great!!

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  2. My perspective was totally opposite... I didn't want to be hanging out with people who were just waiting for me to go into labor... "Anything?" "Anything now?" Etc... A watched pot, you know? I didn't want to feel like I was on display. So I was at home when my contractions started, by myself, in the middle of the afternoon. And it was fine. I called my mom, and my doula, but I was by myself for a while,and it was fine. I laid on the couch, watched the Olympics, and timed contractions. I honestly didn't want or need anyone over here watching me having contractions and not knowing what to do or being able to do anything. It was fine... You'll be fine! Hang in there!

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  3. You're back! And with such wonderful news! I hope things are going well and your baby girl has arrived safe and sound. Thinking of you :)

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