Since it was 3am, I of course went online to see what it all meant. I found some women who said it was just Braxton Hicks, some said it was nothing, some said it was the way labor started for them. My sister was one of the ones who told me that's how her labor started with her first daughter.
In the end it was nothing, the cramps went away, and I did a kick count and got 10 (smallish) kicks in 30 minutes, and talked to my OB who put my mind at ease. Baby girl must have just been having a quiet day, by that night she was back to her roly poly self.
But the whole situation made me a little uneasy, and maybe it's because of pregnancy brain but it finally came to me tonight why (three days later).
I am scared of going into labor alone.
I mean, I know that I won't be alone at the hospital, but there could be hours before I even have to go, and I know I won't feel comfortable having someone staying with me for a few hours doing nothing but waiting for my contractions to get closer together. And if it happens in the middle of the night and I'm just laying there, wondering what to do...
I'm not looking forward to that.
I haven't spent any time at all thinking about this until right now. The actual childbirth part, THAT I've thought (freaked out a little bit) about. But all that time alone before hand, that I hadn't really considered.
Up till this point I have spent a surprisingly small amount thinking about how its been going through this without a partner, but now I guess it gets really real that I'm doing this on my own. I have so much family support, but at the end of the day, it's just me. I'm ready for this, I don't think it's something I can't do. But still, it's not the way I planned to start my family.
Not the first time I've had that thought, but it can still stop me in my tracks when it comes up again.